How do you walk away from a man who doesn’t value you?

A man who doesn’t value you is not worth your time and energy, but you probably don’t need me to tell you that. Instead, I imagine you’re already aware of your bad circumstances; you just can’t seem to walk away.

Signs he doesn’t value you

There are two ways to look at values in a relationship. A man may genuinely care about you but has different views on significant factors such as children. Regardless of how compatible you are and how much you love each other, not agreeing with certain values can be a crucial reason to walk.

The other type involves a level of disrespect. He may flirt with other women, not commit to his fair share of household duties and tasks. Sometimes, his lack of value may border on emotional abuse, with tactics such as silent treatment.

The easiest way to spot that a guy doesn’t value you is to analyse your feelings and energy after spending time with them. Many years ago, I was dating a guy that left me feeling drained and stressed after our dates. I refused to acknowledge he was the reason why, even though he flirted with other women and backed out of plans frequently at the last minute.

Spotting the red flags

When someone values you, you’ll notice a sense of joy in talking to them. You won’t have to moan and nag, repeat yourself over and over, be ignored or cut off mid conversation. If you’re feeling stressed or overly busy, your partner will want to help release some of the burden. If you discuss something that’s bothering you, rather than place the blame elsewhere or on yourself, they will consider how to resolve the issue.

These are all things that sound simple and obvious when you put them together. I’m sure if a friend rang you and told you about a problem, you would naturally listen and try to help. Of course, you value your friend enough to show up when needed.

With partners, we can slide down a rabbit hole and end up in a love ditch where we gradually climatise ourselves to our low surroundings. We can place hope on crumbs thrown down to us, a way to convince us things will change.

I view red flags as a type of roadblock that turns up each time you try to drive forward. One minute there’s traffic lights followed by a queue, an accident and road closures. Anytime you notice a sudden block – a drastic change that knocks you to a halt, that’s a sign warning you to walk away.

Red flags (or roadblocks) include:

• Suddenly going days without contact.
• Refusing to communicate or acknowledge how their behaviour affects you.
• Putting you as a last priority.
• Discussing private and intimate details in public.
• Comparing or shaming you in public.
• Consistently Unreliable.

So, how do you walk away from a man who doesn’t value you?

From an outside perspective, it’s easy to say – pick up your things and go.

Once you realise a man doesn’t value you, write down and reinforce those reasons. It’s not uncommon for someone to quickly change their behaviour and make false promises in an attempt for you to stay.

Do not expect him to return. Lots of articles online recommend that walking away is a good technique to win a man back or get him to change his actions. You shouldn’t have to use tactics to encourage your partner to value your worth.

Keep clear on the bigger picture. Who do you want to be, and can you become that person with your current partner? Think about the feelings and thoughts your future self will be having. Do you want to waste another second of your life waiting for a guy to notice you deserve better treatment? Note that if things haven’t changed yet, they realistically never will.

Stick to your values. Everyone has different relationship values. Some people don’t mind cooking and cleaning whereas others couldn’t imagine agreeing to doing all the housework. Decide for yourself what is and isn’t acceptable. In a healthy relationship, two people communicate and work together to ensure everyone is happy.

Know that you can find better. Lots of women (me included) have stayed in bad situations out of fear and loneliness. You must ignore negative thoughts that tell you you’re not worthy and you don’t deserve better. Usually, low self-esteem puts us in these types of relationships where we’re left to feel unvalued. Staying connected to us and our own needs is crucial when we’re about to end things.

Walking away does not mean returning. Do not attempt to keep one foot in the door, ready to run back encase they finally decide to message or schedule another date. Each time you run back to someone, you confirm they’re actions are okay.

Read next: Ghosting: What it Means When Someone Ghosts You

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