A Beginner Guide to Pain-Free Anal Sex

I was sitting in conversation with a group of women when the topic of anal sex got brought up. It helped that we were drinking wine and I had recently published a post on sexual taboos. Amongst the group, some thought the act was ‘vanilla’ whilst others seemed terrified.

Although we laughed at one person questioning whether she may poo on her boyfriend, this kind of concern (there are many urban myths) can stop women from exploring the pleasure of swapping from the front door to the back.

Here, I discuss the best tips for enjoying all the fun your peach has to offer.

What is anal sex?

Anal sex is when a man or woman has a penis or strap-on inserted into their anus. When a woman wears a strap-on with a man, it is known as pegging.

What are the benefits?

The anus has lots of sensitive nerve endings which can lead to intense orgasms for both men and women. While many women struggle to orgasm through vaginal intercourse, a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that 94% of women reached climax after engaging in anal sex.

How should you prepare?

First things first: make sure you have lube. Not using lube during anal sex is like brushing your teeth without toothpaste. Silicone-based lube tends to be popular as it’s long-lasting and works well in the shower, but you can also opt for a water-based. (A water-based lube works better with silicone toys).

Don’t attempt to use water itself as lube replacement – it washes away the natural lubricant we produce.

Here are some recommendations:

Liquid Silk Lube

Pjur Back Door Relaxing Anal Glide | US: Pjur Back Door

Lovehoney Discover Water-Based Anal Lubricant | US: Lovehoney Discover

For aesthetics, part of your prep may involve waxing or shaving the skin between your butt cheeks. There is also hygiene to consider, but we will get onto that later…

Anal sex foreplay

If you’re feeling nervous, when your partner goes to insert his penis, you will likely tense up and cause your anus to tighten further – leading to potential discomfort. That’s why it’s a good idea to experiment with butt play first.

Using lots of lube, there are many things you can do to help relax your muscles and get you in the mood.

Fingers: You can begin by asking your partner to give you a massage with one finger before slowly inserting it inside of you. When using fingers, you want to take slow and small steps, providing feedback each time your partner increases the depth. If it stops feeling comfortable, ask your partner to either slowly pull out a little, pause, or slowly remove their finger completely.

When you’re used to the feeling of one finger, you can try adding two or three. Having multiple fingers inserted with ease is a good sign you’re ready for anal sex. You can also ask your partner to thrust their fingers inside of you. Aim to focus on slow and gentle movement while you are getting used to the experience.

Rimming: This can involve licking, sucking, kissing or any form of oral stimulation. Flavoured lube can make this all the more enjoyable.

Self-pleasure: Inserting your own fingers first can help you figure out what feels good. Practising yourself can also make you feel more relaxed, as you will already be aware of certain sensations before exploring butt play with your partner.

Butt plugs: These can really give you peace of mind because they are gentle to insert, softer than fingers and they give you more control in deciding how long to keep them in. Consider investing in a butt plug training kit.

Sex toys: If and when you feel ready, you can switch from butt plugs to a sex toy. Vibrators are fantastic to use for vaginal stimulation while your partner inserts himself from behind.

Whatever prop you choose, make sure you use it with a good amount of lube. And remember, everyone has their own time frame – some people can feel ready after one session of butt play while others need a lot more. Stick to what feels good and don’t let anyone pressure you to go a step ahead than what you’re prepared for.

Positions to try

If you are receiving anal, lying on your back or stomach tends to be most comfortable. Some also might enjoy being on all fours.

For more comfort, it can help to place a pillow under your butt when lying down.

What about cleanliness?

Let’s just get this obvious issue out the way: Although most of your waste sits in an area that a toy, finger or penis can’t reach, you can incur small particles of the brown stuff. But, do not overthink this – simply clean beforehand and empty your bowels prior to having sex. This is usually all it takes for no issues to occur. If you’re worried, you can have a bath or use a douche. This involves inserting clean water inside you and then naturally releasing it when you go to pee.

As you have a higher chance of contracting an STD during anal sex as opposed to vaginal intercourse, it’s advisable to wear a condom to protect yourself from diseases such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea.

Also, do not switch from anal sex to vaginal without washing first. This includes washing any toys that you have used and replacing condoms. The bacteria from your butt can transfer, leading to potential infections.

Good points to remember:

Anal sex takes time – Some people adapt much quicker and others realise that it’s not for them. Always go at your own pace.

Communicate your fears – Yes, this could be awkward, but if you’re comfortable enough to have anal sex, you’re probably also good to discuss your worries surrounding it.

Research from a trustworthy source – Most of the fear surrounding anal sex stem from false rumours.

Anal sex is still a taboo for some people, but from research (okay, my Instagram polls) it seems more of us are experimenting. While it can be an incredible form of intimacy and pleasure, it’s important to recognise that you’re not a porn star and so you’re not just going to launch into the act spontaneously. Be patient and stock up on some good lube.

Looking for more sex guides? Give these posts a try:

9 Affordable Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

How to be More Active in Bed

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